best

at about a year-and-a-half, my son is amazing. the most affectionate child i’ve ever know, constantly blowing kisses and giving out smiles and hugs. he’s well attached and is generally comfortable meeting new people, young and old. until this past week he had only had one trip to the dr. for a cold. he runs and climbs and swims (with help) and tip toes and crawls and dances. he loves to use hand signs to signal when he wants more and when he’s done. his internal airplane detector is unmatched. he sleeps well and unless he’s teething or otherwise feeling a little off (only 3 more teeth to go!), he sleeps in his own crib for about 12 hours a night. food=mess but his favorite snacks for fresh green beans and apples and bananas and red pepper. depending on the day, he wants thai curry or frijoles negros or sushi or spaghetti.

enter daycare and the million fears that come with sharing your little boy with strangers. the little grubby hands of new friends with runny noses. the hurt and confusion as to why anyone, especially family members, wouldn’t want to spend their day with this amazing child. the tears you spill at the thought of those your son cried as you left him. the ripping of your heart in the direction of your baby, school, work, relationships. the guilt you try to logically brush aside when comments are made about the degradation of society because of “daycare kids”.

the determination of what is “best” is not simple and not clear. will my sweet boy lose his characteristic trait of affection now that he doesn’t have someone giving him kisses and hugs all day? will the opportunity i am able to provide through a physician’s salary later in life make up for the lack of opportunity now? will his curiosity and activeness be replaced by routine and order at this young age?